It was the month of April. The summer heat was slowly intensifying. But there was an air of excitement in our home. The academic work was coming to an end. We had booked our tickets to go to our native place to enjoy the summer holidays and be with our loved ones. I was looking forward for a refreshing break. But the whole atmosphere changed within a few minutes, one evening when I met with a fire accident.
All I could recollect was, my synthetic night dress caught fire in the kitchen and the cloth stuck to my skin melting deep into the tissues. Slowly and steadily pain covered me like a thick blanket which I wanted to throw off but couldn’t. I was rushed to the hospital immediately and was admitted in an isolated room to protect me from infection.
The doctors did not give much hope. It was the beginning of a battle for life. Skin being the best and total protective system, I was losing all my defence with all chance of infection. No one can guarantee a safe recovery to burns because any time the person can fall a victim to pathogens.
Medication was started along with bottles of plasma, blood and protein rich diet entering through the tubes. In the initial days, most of the time I was sedated because of the intense pain. Whenever I was out of sedation, I went through a trauma. My shock of the whole accident was severe that when I closed my eyes, I felt the unbearable heat of the furnace with flames licking me up. Apart from this intense physical pain, I was going through a lot of emotional pain. I could sense the anxiety of my dear husband and loving mother as I lay helpless. I was totally dependent on others even to wipe my tears. I was unable to pray anymore. I felt that God had abandoned me. Added to this was the separation of my two little girls. They were with my relatives far away. The voice of other children in the hospital intensified my longing for my own kids; I longed for their presence, their touch and their love. On May 6th, I had an unforgettable birthday, celebrated in the hospital. One of my colleagues, baked a cake and brought it to the hospital and said “Jiji God is in the process of Re-creating you”. My eldest daughter Sneha sent a lovely painting with the words scribbled “Ma, come home”. These words brought tears in my eyes. But I had a tough battle to continue.
Everyday my wounds were dressed twice—morning and evening. The dressing process was very painful. It was hard for me and for my doctor to complete the daily task of cleaning and dressing the wounds. The very sound of trolley with dressing pads used to make me shiver and tremble.
Even though I was unable to pray, my loved ones and colleagues were praying for my healing. Since I was prone to get infection visitors were limited to my room. I was told that an uncle of mine came every evening and he stood outside my room and prayed silently for me. Thank God for such loved ones who ministered to me in different ways. God’s comforting presence sustained me.
After two weeks of my accident, I was prepared to face the first skin grafting. It was the first surgery of my life. I was quite apprehensive. In the operation theatre, as I was drifting unconscious under the effect of anaesthesia, Deuteronomy 33:27 was ringing in my mind. “The eternal God is your refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms”. After first surgery, the doctors expressed some hope. But I was constantly reminded of the power of positive thinking and the need to exercise my will power to come out of the trauma.
After a few more surgeries for skin grafting and after about two months of hospitalisation, I was brought back home. I inhaled fresh air and enjoyed the sunshine outside. Little did I know that I had miles to go with many hurdles ahead of me. With the special garment ordered to prevent scars on the body, I felt very uncomfortable. I needed help each time to wear it or remove it. To my horror I realised that I had formed contracture of muscles both in the arms and left thumb because I had restricted movements with tight garments. Going home meant learning to do many things differently. Now suddenly everything had to be done in a new way – dressing, holding a glass of water or carrying a kitchen vessel. My endurance was low because of the trauma of surgeries and the resulting inactivity. Going to the bathroom and be back was a major feat. One day I was taking out a vessel of curd from the refrigerator and I happened to drop the vessel. I realised I had no firm grip. This made me very desperate. My school had reopened but I was still at home. I wondered whether I could ever hold a chalk and write on the board. Will I be able to go to school and continue my work……? Will I ever be able to perform all my household chores?
On top of this I realised that I had to live the rest of my life with scars. Healing itself is a miracle but to accept the scars was very painful. For that I needed to experience God’s comfort every day. Sometimes people look at me as an alien in the public places. People scan me every inch and some are very inquisitive. But each time when I bleed and mourn inside, I realise, I need to listen to the reassuring and gentle voice of my creator and recreator for whom I am still very precious. God is more concerned about my inner spiritual beauty than my outer/physical beauty. “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” Prov. 31:30.
My doctor herself had suffered severe burns at a tender age. She had more than a dozen surgeries. But all these had not deterred her. She has dedicated her life to serve many who go through such difficult times. Her deep faith and commitment were an inspiration to me and restored me. Every time when tears welled up my eye, her life challenged me. She kindled in me a new determination and encouraged me to trust God who can transform my scars into stars if I allow Him. What a tremendous impact her life has on me!
A little later a small abscess on my ear lobe gave me a lot of pain which needed treatment. Everyday going to the hospital was agonizing. They also did a contracture releasing surgery on my neck and for a long time I had to wear a thick collar around my neck.
After all these months, I had not come out of my shock of fear of burning fire. In fact, we were living in the same house and the thought of entering the kitchen would send a shudder in my spine. I know I had to break it …. but how? How can I stay away from the kitchen? One morning, when I was alone, I dragged myself to the kitchen, knelt down beside the stove and poured out my heart. I would have spent quite some time. But when I got up, I know that the burden had rolled away and I am no longer a slave to that fear. Instead peace filled me.
Slowly I began to go to school half a day. But I felt very exhausted. So I extended my medical leave. Gradually God strengthened me to do my tasks at home and then at school. I went through a few more corrective surgeries and grafting for some more time during my school vacations. God graciously enabled us to clear our medical bills, because my husband is an employee of Christian Medical College and Hospital.
Amidst all these painful experiences, both our children grew up more and more responsible and learnt to look after themselves and home. My ill health forced us to stay most of the time indoors and we grew closer to each other. The support and unconditional love of my husband during this time of stress did miracles to me. May be without such bitter times we would not have experienced such intimacy and oneness. It made our latter years, a wonderful voyage.
Each day and each moment of my life is a gift from my Lord. I can only thank and praise Him for everything He means to me.
-Mrs. Jiji Philip