Decline from Romance, to Reality, to Resentment, and ending with Rebellion 

The Bible tells us, “By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established” (Prov. 24:3). In other words, God wants us to be wise and understand how to build your marriage. The wise couple will understand that there are common stages in a marriage. Many marriages fail because of ignorance. People enter marriage but do not know how to succeed in it for life. Many believe that the emotion of romantic love will carry them through life. They do not realize that difficult times come to any marriage. After only a few weeks of marriage, some people say, “He (or she) has changed; this is not the person I married. I have no idea what went wrong!” Most of the time this occurs because people who are marrying do not really know each other. They do not count the cost. 

Often a new marriage is full of energy, innocence, and surprises. They are attracted to each other. Their attention is focused on each other. The couple spends much time thinking about each other. They forget other things and walk around smiling about the one they have married. 

They see only the best in each other. In the first stage of marriage, people tend to think of their partner on a high level. Solomon wrote: “How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves” (Song of Songs 4:1). During these early days, married partners praise and admire each other. Each is perfect in the other’s eyes. Mostly new couples give in to each other and give up their rights. They submit to each other to have harmony. They are tender with each other and like to be together. They care about each other’s needs.  

This first stage of relationships does not last, because it cannot last. Sooner or later, couples become aware of differences and faults. They have different personalities, different temperaments, backgrounds, and different responsibilities. The first period of enthusiasm will end, and reality is at work. During this stage, delight can turn to confusion, bitterness, and tension. They can become dull. Routine and boredom become part of the couple’s life. Most excitement is gone. There is some loss of interest and some change in feelings. 

Some enter into marriage expecting it to always be romantic, failing to see their spouse as a individual person. Thus, these false expectations may make one feel discouraged in this normal occurrence. They argue. If a couple has not yet learned how to talk through their feelings and be vulnerable with one another, they may quarrel over their differences. They no longer give up and give in. Strife enters the marriage where understanding and listening should be. They defend themselves. The partners start protecting themselves. They are not as open and trusting as they were. They do not want the other to accuse them of their faults. They start protecting themselves. They excuse themselves and accuse their mate. Resentment and bitterness can build up. They can become defensive and unwilling to admit faults or to mature. In the first stage, husbands, like Solomon, say, “Everything she does is right!” And “She is perfect!” Now, very little seems right. What a change in attitude. The wife says, “I do not respect him anymore.” Respect moves out and criticism moves in. 

They become disappointed. The couple’s dreams are not coming true. They are disappointed. Many couples give up at this stage and seek divorce. Some make the mistake of trying to find feelings of love with another person. This unfaithfulness often destroys their marriage. Others become stuck in this stage of discouragement. They do not make the effort to work through this stage and understand their spouse. They do not cross over the valley of disappointment to the mountain of mature love. 

People’s gradual is a result of us building one’s home with his/her own blueprint – or perhaps building with blueprints the world has given them. Some of us slip into these stages because we are self-focused and want our own way. We impose unrealistic expectations on our spouse and get upset when they are not met.