There are some parents who have to cope with their rebellious children as they grow up. These children, choose to bring suffering upon themselves through their rebellion. They seem to be going through a tough phase because of willful, deliberate rebellion or poor behaviour stimulated by peer pressure, drug addiction, homosexuality, drunkenness, promiscuity, failure in school etc. These cases break parents emotionally as they see their children hurting themselves and others. It becomes a trial of faith for parents as they stand-by helplessly watching them destroy themselves.
Children’s lives are intricately woven together with the lives of the parents. The pains of the children are the sorrows of their parents and their joy is the pleasure of the parents. The challenging times, the sorrow, the tears, and the tensions erode the parents’ emotional stability and drain their spiritual resources. There are problems that impact them more severely than other problems. What can the parents of rebellious kids do?
Accept the child as he/she is. It is not spontaneous but involves a conscious effort and choice. Acceptance is different from approval. We cannot approve all the actions and behaviour of our children but we can continue to accept them. The person should be accepted and the action should be disapproved. We should not confuse acceptance with approval. Acceptance can be a positive reaction that it distinguishes between a son or a daughter who has a problem and son or a daughter who is a problem. This kind of aggressive acceptance can embrace a person without condoning their action or behaviour.
We need to wait in patience. Parents suffer as they wait for their rebellious children to recognise their rebellion. Children need to realise that they must live with the consequence of their actions. Sometimes the consequences may not be immediate. But if the person persists, he/she will face the consequences. Parents need to be available when they cry for help and understanding. Children may not use words to express their need. Parents need to gently enter their lives with concern and sensitivity not with condemnations. They need to know that you are there not to rescue them but simply to receive and love and help restore them.
It is good to keep the doors of communication open. Letters and cards may go unanswered but not unseen. Use birthdays and special occasion to send cards or make calls. Their silence or unresponsiveness certainly hurt the parents. But do not give up and close the door of communication.
Ask God for another person or mentor to enter your youngster’s lives and influence them. Mentors can vitally influence youngsters. They will reveal themselves to others in a way they never can or will with parents. Pray for the right influence.
God understands the sorrows of parents of rebellions children. God had sorrowed through the rebellion of His own sons and daughters. “When Israel was a child, I loved him; And out of Egypt, I called my son. But the more I called Israel, the further they went from me. They sacrificed and burned and incense to images. It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by their arms, but they did not realize it was I who healed them” Hosea 11-1-3. Therefore, God can lead and comfort human parents as they go through the same pain.
The parents who are reading this chapter may not have had situations similar to those pictured in this chapter. But most of us are hurt or disappointed, or embarrassed in small ways when children are not up to our expectations. So, in our day-to-day life let us seek the grace of God to show acceptance to our children in spite of their behaviours.
We need to receive our kids always with the same grateful and accepting spirit with which we received them when they first came into the world. As they grow up, they may live lives of their own in ways which we may not be able to approve of, but still, they are God’s gift of life to us as parents.
Rejection only creates resistance. Acceptance softens, melts, bridges and soothes. Acceptance offers encouragement, affection and emotional support and shows interest in the other person.
