God is the designer of marriage and following His blueprint is important in order to find out ways to have a healthy marriage.
The Foundation (Foundational Stage) The couple establishes a strong foundation built on faith, mutual trust, and a shared commitment to God. Growth throughout the marital journey requires openness and flexibility.
Romance Stage: This stage is characterized by strong infatuation, excitement, and a deep emotional connection. It is a time to celebrate the romantic love God gives, but couples are to keep Christ at the centre. In the beginning of a relationship partners often communicate effortlessly and at length. Excitement, happiness and hope abound. Partners present and elicit their best selves. Life seems expansive and promising. It is a time of sharing dreams and romance. Nothing your spouse does bothers you…yet! You talk for hours about anything and everything. Your focus is your spouse and no one else. You make time to spend with them and are willing to sacrifice other things in your life to make sure you get good quality time together
Disillusionment Stage: What happens: The “honeymoon phase” wears off and daily routines—such as finances, parenting, or career stresses—set in. This is the reality of the world we all live in. You cannot avoid this stage, as it is the reality and we all navigate. We need to go to work, take care of the kids, visit with friends, assist our elderly parents who are not doing well. It’s not bad to be in this stage – it is a fact of life.
The Power Struggle: Couples may experience frustration or resentment when trying to get their partner to conform to their expectations. In this stage you have allowed the realities of life to drive a wedge between you and your spouse. Satan has lied to you about whether your spouse cares about you. Perhaps you have placed expectations on each other and have not, in a loving way, communicated them. The anger is welling up and you have a feeling you are in this alone. Your spouse has become your enemy! The arguments and fights have become the norm and the lies of Satan seem to be truth! When you and your spouse resent one another, you are standing back-to-back! When spouses cannot always live up to each other’s expectations, they will be disappointed and unintentionally hurt each other. They are intensely aware of their differences and may use control strategies to bring back the desired balance. Power struggles are common. Blame, judgment, criticism and defensiveness are likely outcomes. Fear and anxiety enter the relationship. Couples’ thinking can narrow into either/or, right/wrong, good/bad polarities.
Stage of Rebellion: An act of violent or open resistance. The rebellion stage is where the word divorce comes up. You do not feel like it is worth it anymore. Your anger and hatred have trumped true love and care for each other. You have allowed resentment to fester without truly working on your issues and coming up with a solid game plan towards resolution. You have believed the lies Satan has so subtly told you about your spouse: You both have different backgrounds, you will never figure it out; You might find yourself thinking, You both need to give 50% otherwise you are not in this together; if he/she truly cared about me they would do this or that… And the lies go on! In rebellion spouses are not standing anywhere near each other.
Growth throughout the marital journey requires acceptance, adjustment, openness, flexibility and above all trust in God and in His strength. Growth in marriage is an everyday process. If not we will not be in a committed relationship.
Commitment Stage: Couples learn to accept their partner’s flaws, letting go of the need to control them. The relationship stabilizes into a mature partnership where both individuals support each other’s spiritual growth and step into their shared calling or legacy as a family.
Relationships are not static. They evolve as people evolve. Understanding these stages can reduce fear and normalize change. It is common to move back and forth between these stages. Progress/growth is rarely a straight line. However, it becomes concerning when you feel stuck in conflict or disconnection without the tools to move forward. However, it becomes concerning when one feels stuck in disconnection or in a phase without the tools to move forward.
Many scholars are of the opinion that progression through these stages is cyclic. This means couples can move through the stages several times in their lives, each time with an increasing understanding of what is involved for having been there before. Couples move through these stages at different rates. Failure to accomplish the tasks of one stage can inhibit movement and growth through later stages.