We could very easily say that God gave us neighbours and friends because our own near and dear ones are not always there for us. How dull, empty and colourless life would become without friends! One can go on and on about the role they play in one’s life. The Bible illustrates several beautiful friendships -that of David and Jonathan in the Old Testament. The gospels record the love and hospitality extended to Jesus in the home of Martha, Mary and Lazarus. In the book of Acts, we have several examples of oneness and unity in the church through care and concern for one another.

One of the rich blessing we have enjoyed as a family has certainly come to us in the form of good friends. As an officer with the Central Government of India, my husband used to get transferred every couple of years and we would move bag and baggage. We have lived in several cities across the nation and I could almost write a book on the people we have come across in all these places. We always found ourselves living in very cosmopolitan neighbourhoods where most of the residents were predominantly Hindus. With my husband having mostly a touring job, I was left very much on my own with my two children and I found myself increasingly dependent on people in the neighbourhood for company. God in His great mercy has brought some of the most wonderful people in my life. We have always had very cordial and friendly relationship with most of our neighbours but I did look for one or two lady friends with whom I had several interests in common. Gradually our acquaintance would develop into deep, lasting and very meaningful friendship, bringing our entire families into a close bond. Almost all such friends have been people from other faiths. Our home was always open to them and hospitality at our table played a very important role in forging these bonds. There is something about sharing a meal or even a cup of tea with snacks which breaks barriers. We found people warming up to us and wanting to spend more and more time in our company. There was always a birthday or some special occasion when we would get together in one of our homes just to spend time with each other. The important thing about friendship is that it is reciprocal. It can never be one sided. I must say that most of our friends responded to our overtures with a good deal of warmth and reciprocated our friendship. Despite the difference in our faith and background there was a strange bond that united us. Many of them have sought our counsel and prayer support on various matters. Some of them have turned to us in times of marital-crisis and family problems of diverse nature, pouring out their fears, frustrations and woes before us. It has been a privilege to share their burden. We have been able to witness to most of them very casually and naturally -without making it appear that we were trying to proselytize.

In one of the cites where we lived, I have two very special friends. Both belong to very aristocratic families of Utter Pradesh. One is a Brahmin and the other a Muslim. I am extremely close to both of them and they mean a lot to me. I have had the privilege of sharing Christ with them. One of them has come to the Lord. In December ’92, soon after the demolition of the mosque at Ayodhya, the city witnessed some of the worst communal riots and curfew had been clamped for a couple of days. On one such day, when the curfew was lifted just about four hours, the three of us decided to get together.in my home for a time of tete-a-tete over a cup of tea and snacks. It was so beautiful – a Muslim and a Hindu, both from Utter Pradesh, meeting in a Christian home soon after the Ayodhya fiasco and wondering what this rabid hatred was all about!

Unfortunately, Warmth and hospitality are slowly fading out of the scene and a certain superficiality in relationships has crept into the body of Christ. This has to be guarded against.

We have had all kinds of interesting neighbours including some who have had deep psychological and spiritual problems. I distinctly remember two such couples in Calcutta who shared the same staircase landing with us. It was not easy for us to have them around. Their problem stemmed from their worship of Sai Baba in the first case and Kali in the other. We tried to help out wherever it was possible. We also shared the gospel with them quite unsuccessfully though. The evil bondage was so very strong that we found ourselves totally ill equipped. Finally one of them – the husband committed suicide after his retirement when he came to live in Madras. It is not always possible to see encouraging results but one can at least make an attempt.

As far as our Christian friends are concerned we have been blessed through several of them. We have enjoyed their company and friendship. Some of them have been like ministering angels when we needed them most. I just cannot thank God enough for these precious people.

Friends can be categorised in two distinct groups. From people of other faiths one looks for friendship but from our Christian brethren we expect both friendship and fellowship on a give and take basis of course. Unfortunately, warmth and hospitality are slowly fading out of the scene and a certain superficiality in relationships has crept into the body of Christ. This has to be guarded against. As we moved from place to place, the Lord kept bringing new people into our lives. It was always very hard to say goodbye and move on. Our lives have truly been enriched through our contact with some very fine people. We still keep in touch with many of them.

The picture has not always been rosy There have been times when we have faced betrayal, breach of trust, hurts and disappointments in our relationship with people. Strangely this has happened more often with Christians. We have found ourselves exploited, taken advantage of and used. Perhaps that is the price one has to pay for being vulnerable as a Christian. We have learntare still learning to exercise wisdom and discretion while relating to people.

It may be worthwhile to mention here a few unspoken rules we have observed as a family with regard to our relationship with others.

*Never take anyone for granted.

* Always respect the privacy of others and never intrude uninvited into their lives.

* Never break a confidence.

* Be very sensitive to their needs and feelings.

* Be always available.

* Always have an open home filled with hospitality and warmth.

* Support them with prayer.

* Wisdom and discretion must be exercised inorder to make sure that We are not throwing our pearls before the swine.

* Any relationship which disturbs the peace and harmony of our home must be discouraged.

By and large, we as a family have been blessed and enriched through our neighbours and friends. We do thank God for them.

-Esther Jeyachandran