I have great admiration for Esau, though the Bible speaks of him as a careless son, selling his birthright for a pot of porridge. He annoyed his parents in the choice of his wives, yet Esau demonstrates the love of an elder brother, forgiving Jacob for the loss of his birthright and blessings of the father. Most of all there is no trace of remembrance or vengeance when he meets him after twenty years. Esau forgives and forgets the evil. His magnanimity is proved when he tells his brother who cheated him “My brother, I have enough – keep that thou hast unto thyself”. (Gensis 33:9-10).
Rivalry among siblings even in good Christian homes after the death of parents as to who should inherit what, is the cause of misunderstanding and hatred. A once loving and affectionate family is dragged to court for division of property. It is sad to see brothers and sisters who once would have sacrificed anything for the love of each other, separate and remain not on talking terms with each other after the death of their parents for monetary gains.
My father was a respected leader in his town. After the death of her parent, Mrs. X came to my father complaining about division of property with her brother. She wanted to go to court for Rs.10,000/- over a paddy field. My father said, “l shall give you that amount. Can you buy a brother in the market for that money?” She understood the truth behind that statement and went away to make peace with her brother. A good settlement was reached in love and a broken relationship was restored. Money cannot buy a brother or a sister.
It is true that maximum ill feelings arise when parents leave a large amount of property without a proper Will. It takes magnanimity to give and take among children when parents are no more. Therefore, wise parents leave a Will in anticipation after consulting their children and their needs. Decisions are easy when a family is united in love. It is imperative that parents do not give away their earnings till they die, lest they are left to fend for themselves once the property is given away. Inheritance should be only after the death of both parents.
In case of untimely death of parents, misunderstandings can occur if there is no Will over division of property and jewels. Things work out better if you wait for a few days when sorrow is abated and a frank and open discussion is good among children. If you are a daughter-in-law or son-in-law it is prudent to stay away. Do not kindle any fire between united family members and never be the cause of a broken relationship.
Trouble arises when one person refuses to give in. Two brothers did not agree over the sale of one house; one wanted to sell it and share the money, the other wanted to retain the family property. Then one brother paid half the value of the house to his brother (by taking a loan) and retained the house paying the interest and the loan with the rent in instalments. However, such decisions are easier said than done because both parties need to decide in love and tremendous will power is necessary on both sides.
A widowed mother gave a small portion of her land to her daughter who was not very well off but was willing to care for her in her old age. Her other children were in the Gulf. However, they all wanted a share and went to the court. The case dragged on and the mother died in sorrow. None of them lived to enjoy the benefits. We bring nothing into the world and we take nothing with us when we die. One may lose and one may gain a little money. What does it matter when compared to the joy of a loving and united family.
I know a family where an elder brother, a self- made man, educated all his brothers, sisters, paid the debts of his parents and finally settled down to his own family life. He gave generously -none of his children or wife questioned him for his generosity. Today his children are abundantly blessed. Because of the father’s example, there is tremendous support and unity in the family.
Human tendency is always to compare and expect more than the other when property is divided without a Will. The situation can be sensitive and difficult. Children who inherit nothing from their parents live in unity but children of rich parents will remain in non-talking terms. We cry for shoes till we see someone with no legs. Greed has no end. That is why I admire Esau who lost everything to a shrewd and scheming brother but not only did he forgive, he also forgot the wrong done to him. He inherited nothing but he said, “My brother, I have enough” Did God bless him? Yes, I believe He did. Read Deuteronomy 2: 4 -5.
-Dr. S.P. Ratnam
