In advising his son about relationships with women, Solomon said to pay attention to wisdom and preserve discretion. The Bible contains relatively few examples of choosing of marriage companions but the Bible describes at length the character of godly wives and husbands.

Genesis 24 – Abraham’s servant found a wife for Isaac. The couple never met till their wedding. And the specific choice was arranged by God (vv 50,51), which cannot be done today. But Abraham insisted that the bride come from his family so he knew her background, not from the wicked people of the land. And the decision was made by a man of wise judgment who entreated the blessing of God.

Genesis 29 – Jacob also went back to his mother’s family to find a companion, because the young people where he lived were ungodly. He made his own decision that he wanted to marry Rachel after he had lived with her family for a month (v14). And the agreement was that he would still not marry her till seven years later.

Ruth 2 – Ruth gleaned in the fields of Boaz throughout the length of the barley harvest and the wheat harvest. At the end of this period they determined to marry. However, this too involved some differences from today. Ruth was a widow whose husband died without descendants. Boaz was a near kinsman of Ruth, and the law required him to take her as wife to raise up seed to her husband. But, he knew her well by reputation. Her past life and conduct had been fully reported to him (2:11). She was known throughout the town as a virtuous woman (3:11).

The above examples involve some variation. But the one thing clear in every case is that what mattered most was the character of the one to be chosen. Many passages in the Scriptures tell the kind of person a man or woman must be in order to have a godly marriage. The time to start learning the basics about marriage is as soon as you are born–in other words at home, when you are young. If a godly Christian couple models God’s pattern for marriage and parenting, day after day, in the home, their children will learn much by observation. And as the children mature, and are able to understand more, the parents can talk about what God’s Word has to say concerning love, and patience, and other matters important to a good marriage. As parents we are to prayerfully guide our children in making the right choices from a very early age which includes finding their life partners.

Proverbs 31:10-31 – A virtuous woman is hard to find. Her character is described here and elsewhere. This is the kind of woman a young man should seek to find. Likewise, the Bible describes the qualities of a godly husband.

There is no passage that states how one should feel toward a person before you marry them. We are to love our spouse, but we will see that the love Bible talks about is more of a person’s choice and commitment than emotion. Feelings are important in marriage; but if we marry a person of godly character, we can learn to love him/her. Otherwise a person of ungodly character will be a source of constant trouble to a Christian.

The entertainment industry bombards us with the romantic line to “just let your heart decide.” Couples who have seriously different backgrounds meet, “fall in love,” get married, and live happily ever after. Girls meet guys with immoral backgrounds and decide to reform them. This puts stars in the eyes of romantic, idealistic young women. But it is foolish and incredibly dangerous.

Proverbs 28:26 – He who trusts in his own heart is a fool. Do not choose a spouse on the basis of feelings or instincts.

Feelings come and go. We have highs and lows. People feel excited and high today, but tomorrow feel down and blue. This is normal for all people, even those who have a good marriage. If we marry because a person excites us, we may regret the decision when the fire goes out.

Character should remain constant. Therefore, each one should base his\her choice on character and then the relationship can be sustained. Very prayerfully try and get to know the person as best as you can so that the commitment can survive the downs as well as the ups.

How to get to know a person? It is important to talk about issues of importance in marriage.

· Ask the other person their views about marriage, children, and especially about spiritual matters.

· Express your views and get their reaction.

· Study the Bible together.

· Learn your areas of agreement and disagreement.

· And learn to work out your differences.

· Do not ignore your disagreements. Many people think their problems will just work out after marriage. How do you know? Usually they get worse! Discuss them now and see how well you are able to work out problems. Every marriage has problems. If you can’t work out problems, you cannot succeed in marriage.

· Spend time together under many different circumstances. Observe how they react under circumstances of stress, when they are not getting their way

It is better to take the judgment of godly family and friends. Proverbs 15:22 – Without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established. Seek the honest evaluation of people who know the other person well and whose godly wisdom you trust. The opinions of others should not be final, but consider them carefully.

Both of the partners should be old enough to make mature judgments. Not all youths are foolish, but youths generally lack the mature judgment needed to make a wise marriage choice. Wisdom and good judgment come with age. Choosing a marriage companion is too serious to be made by immature people. The problem is that teenagers often tend to think they are much more mature than they are! The divorce rate for people who marry in their teens is much higher than for people who marry in their twenties. Marriage is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. If you follow the Bible, you will live the rest of your life with the person you choose. It is a choice you cannot change. It requires a mature decision. And maturity requires experience. And experience takes time.

Young people need experience with life and people before they make a choice. It is better youngsters observe older couples who have good marriages that have stood the test of time, and see what kind of person you want to marry. They need to consider people whose marriages have failed and learn what kind of person you don’t want to marry.

Marriage is based on sacred vows. Entering those vows rashly and hastily generally leads to a snare. But after a person is married, it is too late to reconsider one’s vows. Therefore it is wise not to jump into exclusive relationships. And above all, one must not jump into marriage but take time and make wise decisions.

If in doubt, the best thing to do is wait! What does one have ‘to lose by waiting, even another year or two? By taking time to make sure of our choice, we have everything to gain and very little to lose.