His Needs 

As Christians we are not only accountable to our spouse but to God first and foremost.  Christ should be the driving force in the Christ follower’s life. If this one important facet is written upon a woman’s heart, mind and soul, she will not have a problem adhering to her obligations as a Christian wife.  

And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helpmeet for him. Genesis 2:18. The Scripture shows a woman how to be a good helpmeet to her husband. God created Eve for Adam’s companionship, to be his helper, supporter and encourager. There are many ways that a wife can bring the assets of helper and that of companionship to her husband. A Christian wife “who fears the Lord” is an asset to her husband in many ways.  

Need One: The need for respect. 

Years ago, there was a television commercial for a certain brand of car wax. In it a woman was getting ready to sell her car, which looked weathered, old, and dull—so much so that most people wouldn’t give it a second look. The woman realized how dull her car looked, so she used this particular brand of car wax on it. Her car shone like it was brand-new. It looked so good, in fact, that the woman’s affections for it were revived and she decided to keep it. 

We and our relationships are a lot like that. When we treat someone as a valued gift and invest ourselves in his or her care, we build up that person’s feelings of self-worth and draw closer to them as well. When a wife respects, nurtures, and affirms her husband, it deepens her love for him. On the other hand, when we don’t regard something as valuable and neglect it, our feelings for it begin to wane. 

Men have through the ages sought respect. Men not only want respect from the world around them but especially from their wives and families. This isn’t a need which gets developed, but is inborn, and is true whether the male is sixteen or sixty years of age. A man who doesn’t receive respect from his wife is a man who begins to wither on the inside.  That is exactly why God calls wives to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33). 

What kind of respect do men look for? In today’s world of gender equality, it is not popular to ask women to respect their husbands. The reason is that the word “respect” often is associated with servitude. Therefore, they will not “respect” their husband, because in the popular thinking of today, “I will bow to NO MAN!” 

Whether we are male or female, we all want respect. However, the kind of respect that a man looks for from his wife isn’t servitude but that which recognizes him as the head of the family. Again, this isn’t a popular concept today. This is a position not of heady ruler-ship, but of responsibility and honour. This doesn’t mean that the wife serves her man on bent knee. We’re not talking servitude. In a good marriage relationship, both the husband and wife actively participate in the “running” of the marriage. However, just like in a corporation, there is a board of several members, yet only one chairman. The chairman isn’t totally in charge, but it has been mutually agreed that he or she is the head which make the final decisions. But he is responsible to the board for his actions, and their welfare is his concern.  

There are numerous instances in which a wife began to believe in her husband and showed him respect. The husband, in turn, began to change-both in his own thinking and beliefs and in how he treated and responded to his wife. 

How can a wife show respect for her husband? Here are just a few examples: 

• Express faith in his decision and ability. 

• If he attempts a task at home, don’t sigh, roll your eyes, and mutter at him; instead, thank him for trying.  

• Make positive suggestions without demanding an immediate answer. Ask him to reflect on it for a while. Listen to his upsets and don’t take his anger personally. Let him vent when he needs to. 

• Encourage him in areas where he doesn’t feel secure and let him know you stand behind him. 

• When he makes a decision you’re not in favour of, listen and commit the entire matter in God’s hands because He is sovereign. 

• Talk about his positive strengths in front of the children and praise him at least once a day. 

• Discover the uniqueness of his personality and learn to understand him and communicate better with him.  Accept his maleness and celebrate the differences that come from this. 

Here’s a good example of a wife showing her husband respect, admiration, and love he needed from her: 

One of the pastors who was greatly respected was E.V. Hill, who served for many years as pastor of Mt. Zion Missionary Baptist Church in Los Angeles. When E.V. first began in the ministry, he was a hard worker who wanted to provide for his wife, but he was also a young preacher who struggled to make enough money just to pay for the necessities. Pastor Hill’s wife appreciated his efforts to protect and provide for her, even though some months there wasn’t enough money to pay all the bills.  

One night, he came home and noticed immediately that the house was dark. When he opened the door, he saw that his wife, Jane, had prepared a candlelight dinner. He loved the idea, but when he went to the bathroom to wash up, he flipped the light switch and nothing happened. Then he went to the bedroom and tried the lights. Again… there was nothing. The entire house was dark. He went back and asked his wife why the lights didn’t work. Jane began to cry and said, “You work so hard, but it’s rough. I didn’t have enough money to pay the electric bill. I didn’t want you to know about it, so I thought we would just eat by candlelight!” 

Dr. Hill described this experience with deep emotion: “My wife could have said, “I never had this happen in the home I was raised in.” But she didn’t berate or blame him. Instead, she said, “Somehow we’ll get these lights back on, but tonight let’s eat by candlelight.” 

Our calling to love and respect is a calling regardless of what the other person does. It’s sacrificial. It’s in the scriptures. It works! 

Need for emotional support 

Making a living is not easy in our competitive world. The husband often faces frustrations, discouragements, and setbacks. Some people take advantage of him, cheat him, and deceive him. Others criticize or censure him. He needs someone to encourage him, to appreciate him, to believe in him, and to respect him—and that is why God gave him a wife! He will be able to bear a great deal more hardship in the workaday world if he knows that he has a wife at home who admires him, trusts him, and stands by him, whatever happens. If he gets the same sort of treatment at home that he gets in the working world, he will be tempted to try some form of escape which will lead to unhappiness for all concerned. But the thought of a smile coupled with a little admiration and encouragement will draw him to his home like a magnet.  Emotionally she encourages her husband to be the man of God that was meant for him to be. She is an asset to her husband when she supports him in his callings and endeavours in life and praises his continual efforts in the Lord. She should refrain from trying to control, browbeat or boss her husband around because that is not what God has called her to do.  

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. Proverbs 31:11 A nagging wife is worse than a dripping faucet. If a wife cannot find anything uplifting to say to her husband or about her husband, she shouldn’t say anything at all. A husband needs an emotionally supportive wife. It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.  Proverbs 21:19  

Needs clear communication 

He needs clear and simple communication.  Except in case a husband reads minds, let’s not expect the husbands to just know what the wives want. If a wife wants or need something, she needs to ask and discuss it with him. It is not a good idea to just drop hints and figure that he’ll get it and “come around” without communicating calmly, clearly and directly. 

Need for spiritual support 

Spiritually a Christian wife connects with her Christian husband because they share in the same values and principles in life. And together they raise Godly children and have many fruits of the spirit within their marriage and family. Together they create abundance and prosperity for their lives and they realize and praise God because they know it all belongs to Him. “She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:12  

She submits to her husband’s spiritual leadership. A helpmeet does not argue and fuss with her husband; instead, she works with Him. Most husbands will eagerly listen to the opinion of their wives when the wife does not demean him. Marriage is a partnership and a team effort that takes considerable compassion and compromise from both the husband and wife. Submission should always be voluntary, otherwise how would it be submission any other way? “Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.” Proverbs 31:23  

Need for sexual support 

Sexually she is there for her husband when he wants to be close. Both husband and wife have emotional, spiritual and sexual needs that should be met only through each other. God created them male and female for this reason. Eve was made from Adam’s flesh and bones, which symbolically make them one flesh. When a husband and wife encourage one another in their roles and positions of marriage the sexual and emotional intimacy between them will be a healthy and productive part of the marriage.  

The goal for marriage should be of maintaining the oneness that united them. Sexual intimacy between a husband and wife is the kind of companionship that brings them closer together so they will not want sex outside of the marriage parameters. They should never reject one another unless of a woman’s menstruation or if either one of them is sick.  

Woman is compared sometimes to the vine, while man is the strong oak to which it clings. But there are different kinds of vines. Some vines wreathe a robe of beauty and a crown of glory for the tree, covering it in summer days with green leaves and in the autumn hanging among its branches, rich purple clusters of fruit. Other vines twine their arms about it—only to sap its very life and destroy its vigour, until it stands decaying and unsightly, stripped of its splendour, discrowned and fit only for the fire!  

A true wife makes a man’s life nobler, stronger, grander, by great her love, turning all the forces of manhood upward and heavenward. While she clings to him in holy confidence and loving dependence, she brings out in him whatever is noblest and richest in his being. She inspires him with courage and earnestness. She beautifies his life. She softens whatever is crude and harsh in his habits or his spirit. She clothes him with the gentler graces of refined and cultured manhood. While she yields to him and never disregards his lightest wish, she is really his queen, ruling his whole life and leading him onward and upward in every proper path.  

A woman who truly loves her husband will utilize all of her creative talents and God- given abilities that she has been blessed with; her husband will never be in need of anything.  “Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:31