1 Corinthians 13, the “Love Chapter reads like this: ” “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails (1 Cor. 13:4-8).
This is not just romantic feelings. Mature love is a decision to do the right thing, say the right thing, and be the right person. Let us look at seven characteristics of mature love.
Mature love is tender. Every marriage needs tenderness. We must be gentle and not judge each other. We must be careful with each other’s feelings. We must be tender and avoid embarrassing our spouse. We realize that we are on the same team and we refuse to criticize or destroy each other.
Mature love is responsible. We each fulfil our duty to build a good marriage. We are responsible to love, provide, protect, and nurture our spouse. We must love and act responsibly to God first, then our spouse, and our children. We meet the needs of our loved ones even when it means personal sacrifice.
Mature love is accepting. We will never be alike and that is good. God created every husband and wife unique. We know we have different personalities and temperaments, different faults, and we still find a way to accept the one we married. As a wise man said, “Before marriage, keep both eyes open, but after marriage, close one.” This means that we learn to see our spouse as he or she truly is but, we choose then to overlook certain faults. Not every fault is worth a fight! Instead, we must “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God” (Rom. 15:7). Differences between personalities become obvious, requiring grace, forgiveness, and intentional communication.
Mature love is secure. Mature love offers security that says, “No matter what happens, we will make it together.” Both spouses must feel that they will remain faithful if they lose a job, lose health, or fail to reach their goals. This commitment brings security to both husband and wife. It also brings a deep sense of security to the children. The children need to know that during difficult times their parents will do whatever it takes to stick together.
Mature love is truthful. Mature love is truthful. “Love … rejoices with the truth” (1 Cor. 13:6). As couples, we must be honest with each other and able to say what we feel. We must be truthful and tender to one another. The Bible calls this “speaking the truth in love” (Eph. 4:15).
The Bible instructs believers to “confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16). There are many couples that need their relationship to be healed because their relationship is weak. Many husbands and wives need to confess their sins (faults) to each other and pray for each other. Their relationship be healed through confession and prayer.
Married couples must be willing to reveal their thoughts by honest communication. Mature love says, “This is where I am hurting.” Or, “This is what I do not like.” “This is what I need. What do you need?” “What is hurting you?” We need to stop hiding our feelings and opinions and be honest with each other.
Mature love is humble. Some people want the marriage relationship to focus only on their needs and feelings. Some people sulk, pout, and brood. If a husband or wife refuses to talk, then their relationship will be weak. Some people threaten to walk out. Others use sarcasm and ridicule to attack loved ones. Some people like to blame their spouse. If we waste time and energy trying to find out who is at fault, we cannot fix the problem. Some people are always trying to change their partner. These actions are a form of pride and judgment and they will hurt a marriage.
In contrast, mature love is humble. Mature love puts the needs and feelings of others about everything else. Mature love learns to walk away from actions that reveal the pride of the flesh. It refuses to return negative thoughts and actions but instead chooses to act in a manner that honours Jesus Christ.
Mature love is willing to grow. If our marriage is mature, we have made the decision to act like adults instead of children. Mature love does not act selfishly or childish but instead chooses to act like Jesus Christ at all times. Mature love will seek to grow the marriage relationship as each spouse seeks to become a better follow of Christ, a better spouse, and a better parent.
As love grows, partners see each other in a new light. Empathy and compassion increase. They learn to appreciate and respect each other in new ways. They find a new balance of independence and intimacy. Their thinking becomes more expansive and inclusive. A new hope and energy return to the relationship. Prayer focuses on gratitude and thanksgiving.