Building A Christian Family – Roles

Christian marriages are to be a mirror of Christ’s relationship with the Church. The Church has a Head for its union; that is Christ. The Home has a head for its union; the husband. As the Church does all it can do to glorify its Head and therefore draw all men to the Saviour, so the wife does all she can do to glorify God as she glorifies her husband and her home. With her submission to the purposes and designs of God for her marriage, it is God who receives the glory and again, people are drawn to him.

I. The Responsibilities of a Christian Husband/Father.

1) Love (Agape type) Eph. 5:18-33; Col. 3:19

2) Lead 1 Cor. 11:3

3) Labour 1 Tim. 5:8

4) Learn Deut. 6; 1Cor. 14:35; Eph. 6:4; 1 Pet. 3:7

Husband’s Roles – functions :

• The Head Eph.5:23; 1 Cor. 11:3;

HEAD: Coordination; observation; direction; controls;

Without body – no head; without head no body functioning;

Lover – just as Christ loved; Eph.5:25; Col.3:19;

1. Covenant love: Jer.31:3 also portrayed in Hosea; does not depend on who we are but on who He is.

2. Christ’s agape love – realistic love; self-generated love; “What can I give instead of what can I get”

3. Sacrificial love – 1 John 3:16. His love involved death at Calvary. A husband’s love for his wife is expressed even to the point of the sacrifice of his own life, his wants, his desires and wishes, for those of his wife.

4. Purposeful love: God’s purpose is to redeem us and make us worthwhile. His true love is not static but dynamic. It transforms us to meet our needs and restores.

5. Committed love: It is not fluctuating emotions – unconditional; forgiving love. Accepts us as we are. Forgives us and forgets our sins and shortcomings.

Human love is basically selfish and very limited. Human love must be touched by divine love. Then only it can be sacrificial, committed, self-giving, unconditional love.

•Husband is a leader: The Leader is not a ruler; but gently leads – lead like a shepherd; Firm in principles but gentle in execution. Jesus is the model. One who leads cannot be an effective leader unless he himself has learnt to submit to authorities of God. Total submission to God’s lordship is absolutely essential. Obeying Him Gen.18:17 to 19; Col.3:19. Not a dictator – selfish, interested only in his purposes and goals.

Leader should be interested in the welfare of others. Should understand the person he is leading. Adapt the pace to the capacity of those he leads. Know the strength. Lead patiently and gently. Develop and use the gifts God has given. Discover and make the best use of those gifts. Every person has God-given gifts and talents. He must make decision prayerfully and wisely. Wait on the Lord for all the small as well as big decisions.

•Provider: Providing home support and stability. He needs to take hold of the responsibility to house, feed, and clothe the family; provide and protect, and must not feel sorry for himself when things get tough. He has to look for concrete ways to improve home life. His aim must be to raise the marriage and family to a safer and more fulfilling level. Remember, the husband/father is the security hub of the family (2 Timothy 5:8).

•The guide: 1 Cor.14:35 He is the Spiritual guide. This means he must pray with her and pray for her and help her in her relationship with God. He is the ordained priest. He must be a man of courage, conviction, commitment, compassion, and character. He has to take the initiative in cultivating a spiritual environment for the family. It is essential that he become a capable and competent student of God’s Word and live out before all a life founded on the Word of God. (Psalm 1; Ephesians 5:23-27).

Many men have a clouded and confused thinking about their roles. If men are asked what they believe their primary purpose is regarding their relationship with their wives, typically they will say things like: “I am the provider/bread winner for the household,” or “I am to be her protector,” or other things like that. Subscribing to this kind of thinking, then, a man could believe that he is “doing right ” to provide things like a fine home, a fancy car and wardrobe, gourmet food to eat, but all the while totally neglecting her spiritual needs. Ephesians 5 makes it clear that a husband should care first and foremost for his wife’s spiritual condition. It must be more important than the acquisition of wealth and things, more important than one’s career, more important than one’s own self.

Practical ways:

Give ample praise and reassurance;

Avoid criticism Prov.18:21;

Remember the importance of little things;

Recognize her need for togetherness;

Spend time listening and respecting her views, ideas;

Discuss with her. Treat her equal to you – not someone inferior; recognize her moods.