The concept of seasons, associated changes in life, and the created environment is an order created by God and God has ordained it to be so. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.” God has intended a special and specific purpose, time for everything and the changing seasons and times are part of this process. It has been said that everything changes, but change. Change is constant! However, this created order has also been subject to sin and its effect is pronounced in our lives, in our society, in the world around us in the name of climate change. In simple terms, human activity has impacted the environment to a great extent. We have meddled enough in the name of sophistication and have come to a stage when we have rid ourselves of seasonal changes. In most places, seasonal fruits have long gone. Nowadays, we see and can eat apples, watermelons all year round with a disregard to its nutritional value. These fruits are meant to be ‘seasonal’ for several reasons. Their availability and consumption have been marked by the Creator, yet man’s foolishness and greed has overridden this!
The seasons – spring, summer, monsoon, autumn and winter – have now become either summer or winter or only summer, as it is said of weather in Chennai, Vellore – hot, hotter, hottest! We are blessed to be based in Nepal in this phase of our life, where we could experience at least 4 seasons, though Nepalis say there are actually 6 seasons in their calendar.
The climate change has not only impacted our environment but also our marriages, figuratively. We expect/demand our marriages to produce, to give us pleasure in all seasons, and that there should be no room for suffering – lack, loss, lament and loneliness. However, God in His wisdom has appointed both joy and the suffering in our marriages for us to “yield its fruit in season” (Ps. 1:3). Moreover, seasons are cyclic and it comes around at different points in our life.
What are some of the seasons in our marriage and how can we be fruitful in the different seasons?
Summer – too hot to stay apart!
It is the season for extremely harsh, hot conditions, but it is also the time for sweet, juicy, mangoes; and red, tasty watermelons. In our marriage too, God allows summers where there may come situations that are very challenging to cope with. One such times could be when there are circumstances that keep the spouses physically apart due to work commitments, need to support other family members, maybe even unavoidable personal reasons. There could also be conditions when the spouses are together and the children are apart for education, married and moved away etc. How can we be fruitful in such situations that are hallmarked with loneliness, despair, longing? God can meet our inner and outer needs of this season, and help us bear fruit – patience & self-control particularly. It is possible with the help of the indwelling Spirit to exhibit the fruit of the Spirit during these times. It also gives time to spend more time with God and invest more in others – the people around, church, fellowship and to consciously connect with the family rather than waiting for this season to pass by. This season can also bring several opportunities for temptations to overcome us, and there are dangers if we seek short-cuts, short-term pleasure to justify and hide from difficulties.
In our family we have experienced this season as well. Since 2016, I had to be away from my family many times, when I got work assignments in Nepal. It was a very difficult time as my children were also in their adolescent years. During those periods, we as a family decided that we will do our daily family prayer time together, virtually. Thanks to WhatsApp and messenger!! It gave me time to connect daily, listen to their day, and pray for each other. My wife and I set us aside a dedicated time every day to connect, share and encourage each other. Grateful to God for the support of my in-laws during that period. There were times of pain, despair, missing each other, misunderstandings, yet through it all we learnt to trust Him and cling on to Him. The Lord is the only One who could fully meet our needs and was also very mindful in planning our future steps. He opened the right doors at the right time, initially in 2019 and later on in 2021, so that we could all move together to be and serve in Nepal.
Winter – too close for (dis)comfort!
Our marriage has to withstand all seasons. It is made to endure all seasons. For this, it has to be built on the Rock, not on sandy ground (Matt. 7:24-27).
Winter is a wonderful season we look forward to particularly for those living in the tropical and sub-tropical regions – for the arrival of fresh, green vegetables, winter fruits, and of course the barbeque season in Nepal and other cold countries as well. However, it can be terrible as well with many layers of clothes to wear, less day light therefore reduced outings, foggy, grey mornings, long evenings indoors and so on. Similarly, ‘winter’ in marriage can be characterised by closeness, cosiness, warmth from each other, fostering bonds by spending more time as a couple, as a family. Yet, these times can sometimes become times that are too close for comfort, when we are in constant contact that can cause several sparks to fly across. It can bring many challenges, if we are not adequately prepared for it.
Biblically, we become (becoming) one flesh in marriage. It is a long, growing process. To begin with, we are two different and opposite individuals united together by God according to His sovereign plan and purpose. Winter brings these two different persons closer than ever, and we know in physics that it leads to increased friction with heat, sparks etc. There will be times in our marriage where the spouses or the parents & children will have more than the usual times together. It could be work from home days, out of work days, retirement days where we have greater time in the confines of the house. These are great times, but if we are not prepared and planned, it is bound to bring the worse in each other. There is a need for discipline – routine, schedule and space for each other so that we can fulfil individual as well as family responsibilities.
Nowadays, my work brings many winters than summers! We look forward to being together as a couple as well as family. We enjoy family times – games, movies, outings. We as couple take long walks along the river banks, hills and shopping along the way. We spend hours chatting, gossiping and it was all done together, and it can be great. But we also realised, there are things we can do it alone, and/or better at doing individually. For example, my long cycle ride, gardening, meditative walks etc.
Winter is a time to identify our individual strengths and purpose and to work on it lest we are so dependent on our spouse that we do not know what to do by ourself when the need may arise.
Spring – new beginnings!
Everything springs up in spring! A time when new shoot, new leaves pop out. What looked almost dead comes to life again. Trees starts blooming with vibrant coloured flowers. In the city of Kathmandu, the trees along the arterial road lined with the Jacaranda trees will burst into purple blooms. The majestic Himalayan peaks will start to show up after the winter fog lifts. What a glorious sight with creation at its best! It is also a time when we shed off those extra layers of clothes and come out slim or plump depending on what we did all winter! We see the environment in a new light. We make new plans, schedules to make the most of what we seemed to have lost in winter.
In marriage too, spring offers new – beginnings, openings, and opportunities. It offers us a time to start new with new perspectives including new way of doing the same old things. A season to renew, rejuvenate our love for each other, our children and our extended families. This can happen when we take time to pause, reflect on all we do – our routines, physical and spiritual disciplines.
It has helped us as a family to relook at the way we do family prayer, mission, church, and not the least our physical activity (exercise). The changes we make can be as small as kneeling during family prayer rather than sitting; or to physically being present and opening our home to our church members in need along with supporting financially or praying; raising funds for mission which involves time, effort and networking and not just giving off from our pockets, a routine 10%, that often may not cost us much; motivating and taking along our teenaged children for morning jogs, teaching, coaching them to become fit; finding new ways of loving them, correcting their mistakes and discipling them. There are many ways to be excited to start anew and renew our family life. We will be confronted with mind blocks and thinking that says, these efforts may be only short-lived, and cannot be sustained. We should not give into this. We have found that even if it may not be continued for long, it is worth to make a start with new initiatives. We found that when we made the effort and acted on it, the learning for the family and the impact on the children was significant.
Autumn – fall!
As the autumn colours fade, it is indeed sad to see the leaves fall, and the trees stripped bare. Some plants become flowerless; trees fruitless. It seems to symbolise the inevitable, the fleeting nature of created life where there is shedding, lack of substance and life brought down to a limited minimum. It could shake the very existence of life and make us question our purpose and meaning. These wrestling do not go away easily and quickly but do linger for a period, like Autumn does. The season of wrestling is a season ordained by the Creator, with a purpose, until the inner work is done within us, the created beings. In marriage too, this can be a time where we may experience lack and are in a desperate state physically, emotionally, psychologically. It may be brought upon by loss – of a loved one, of job, of health. Sometimes, it may look like it is all happening together one after the other. Our family life, work life, spiritual life may look dead. As believers we are not immune to lack or loss. It brings the worst in us. We may become bitter, breed hatred, judgemental/hypercritical of our own family members (particularly our spouse), neighbours, colleagues, church members etc. There is very little or no room for love, mercy and grace. There is a greater chance of sinning with our words than actions. Many times, we pray and hope for this time to pass by quickly. We feel that it is not a good place to be however good it may be or it can bring in our lives. In the process of fast forwarding, we may fail to grow through in this phase. The Bible emphasises the importance of grieving. For example, Israelites grieved for 30 days when Moses died, (Deut. 34:8). lamenting, groaning etc. All these are significant moments of the autumn life which are important part of our physical and spiritual lives, and God has set aside a time for this.
God allows such trials for a purpose, and we are promised His presence, providence and protection during this season of our lives, and we can stand on the promise that we will come out refined and restored. That’s the abundant life God promises (Jn. 10:10).
We have been through this phase multiple times when I have been out of work contracts. Often for me personally, I have felt that these were days of being stripped of my significance. A period that reminded me that my life is worth nothing except in Christ. Though the periods of heavy silence, waiting for the clouds to lift, to let in a ray of light to stream through, I realised my sufficiency is only in Christ. I have learnt to be more loving, patient, kind, spending time with God, acknowledging God’s sovereignty, power, wisdom and remembering His miraculous leading in the past, also sharing my disappointments, lamenting, and groaning like the Psalmists. We as a family have learnt to live in this tension of uncertainty and transition and have over time learnt to trust in our unwavering God.
To conclude, God has created the seasons and times for a purpose and may we have the eyes to see and ears to hear and a mind to perceive these times (1 Chr. 12:32), and with God’s wisdom, grace and power grow through these seasons for His Glory!
Points to ponder:
1. What are the ‘seasons’ we have been exposed? What were the learning?
2. How can we be ‘seasoned’ in our marriage?
3. What are some of the steps we can take for ‘seasoning’?
-David Kamaraj
