George Matheson realised that he was soon going to be blind. He then asked the woman he was courting, if she would still love him. When the answer was ‘no’ he wrote this hymn.

“O love that wilt not let me go I place my weary soul in thee…….

This hymn without doubt came from the assurance that God’s love wouldn’t let go of him. That’s been true to me, God’s secure love has been the reason for joy.

Dawn of my life: It was a few days after my birth that I developed complications of fever, loose motion and inability to gain the right posture. To top it all it was the polio injection (or drops) which was given during my fever. | was treated at various places. My parents decided to take me to an uncle (who was a doctor). He diagnosed that I had polio. My parents were baffled! Who was to be blamed? Doctors?! fever?! Polio drops?! or God?!

As I grew up, I was taught to read my Bible and pray everyday. Knowing the Lord for me was a process. And as I grew closer to the Lord, He grew closer to me.

Reality had ‘Dawned: The realisation that I was ‘handicapped’ was not an easy one, l realised that there were some things I couldn’t do which others could do. I couldn’t go to every other place other could go. To be more specific- l had to sit and watch others play in our physical education classes.

-I could admire a person dance and yet couldn’t dance.

– Couldn’t run, jump

– those lovely shoes and sandals. Oh! they were not for me – for me it was my 3kg calipers.

Self Pity or Acceptance : So much more I couldn’t do and two ways stood ahead: self- pity wanting to envelope me and acceptance, on the other, welcoming me. Which was I to take?? It was human that self -pity was easy and acceptance had its rugged way. Why not switch between the two? Yet with the determination and strength given by God that I choose the path of acceptance. This demanded perseverance :nd the road I left behind which once seemed sugar coated, mocked at me with laughter.

Much more than anything it was my faith in God that kept me going. As I grew closer to the Lord what mattered most was that God loved me as l am and why do I have to look for acceptance from people of this world.

Pruned at the Bud:_It wasn’t all that easy for my parents. To them it was the additional strain of not only accepting me but they had to teach me to love myself.

An incident comes back to me as to how my parents helped me grow normally. I was taken to Bombay for my calipers. I had to commute from an aunt’s place to the hospital and my dad was in a guest house. Since the distance was too much my dad gently trained me to travel alone from my aunt’s place to the hospital and then back again. For four or five days, I did this by myself. That’s how I learnt to be independent. This was when I was 10 years old.

Today I am doing my M.A., Psychology in Women’s Christian College. I stay in a hostel and often I am reminded of the days when my dad developed that trait to be on my own. It definitely was worth it!

No to Cants’ but Can’s”: To this day I don’t wear lovely sandals and shoes. I obviously can’t dance. I do walk a little slower than the others. That doesn’t put me off. It’s because I have learnt the secret of learning to look not at what l can’t do but what I can do. It’s when l know I can do some things, I seek to enjoy the “can’s” not the “dont’s” and “cant’s”. It’s God who taught me to look at the way He would want me to. It made a lot of difference to view situations and myself with His eyes.

I have friends who wouldn’t even want to associate me with the term ‘handicap’, neither would that word remind them of Sharon. They have contributed a lot to see me as a person who is ‘normal’ and that’s the way I want it to be. Words of Joni come back to me:

“Though I spend my mortal life time in this chair,

I refuse to waste it living in despair.

And though others may believe in gifts of healing,

I believe, He has given me a gift beyond compare…..

That’s why heaven is nearer to me

And at times that’s all I can see

And He’ll say shall we dance

And our endless romance

Would wash every tear I have cried”

‘Looking Ahead’: My aim in life is to…. “press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me” Phil 3:12.

-Sharon Shadrak