Screen time, media, social media, digital space – whatever we choose to call it, is one of the most discussed and challenging aspects of our lives in this day and age. We live in a world where managing screen time is a huge burden that parents struggle with on a day-to-day basis.
Let me start by saying that what I am going to be sharing is a result of our family’s ongoing personal experience with three children, aged 13, 9 and 5. As busy parents who are most of the time working full time, the easiest thing to do is to allow children to have a device to “keep them quiet” so that we can get on with our work, (whether it is housework / other responsibilities) in peace. Unfortunately, this becomes a habit and is a reflection of unregulated screen time.
Although all sensible parents know that too much screen time is not beneficial and in fact is detrimental for the child’s health, only a few actually make a conscious effort to regulate this or to tackle it as an urgent problem head on. Most of us carry on with a general feeling of discontentment with the situation, feeling guilty that our children are screen addicts, yet not really knowing what to do about it practically.
The first step is to identify the deeper ramifications of too much screen time. Studies have shown that children who spend far too much time on the screen have poorer social skills, a decreased attention span, diminished ability to concentrate and more seriously it can lead to behavioural problems, insomnia, obesity and even increased violence. On a more concerning note, screens have been associated with rewiring our brain (with the dopamine surge), increasing need for social validation and thereby low lf-esteem, leading to increased anxiety and depression. I remember when my eldest son was 5 years old , as new parents we had no idea about these things. He used to watch TV for almost 2 hours every evening after school. We noticed his fixation on wanting to watch and his inability to engage in other tasks like puzzles/ reading . One particular evening I just said no TV today and his reaction was an eye opener and wake up call at the same time. He threw a huge tantrum, screamed and shouted and was unable to calm down . This is a true sign of addiction. Following this we did a complete ban on screens for a whole month, during which time he regained interest in other things and we saw a very noticeable positive change in his behaviour, attention span and creativity.
As a Christian mom, I have often looked for answers to parenting struggles in the Bible. Although it is obvious that social media per se is a thing of the 21th century, the Biblical reference that comes to mind is the concept that anything that takes up our time excessively, that is an idol, automatically draws us away from God and the things of God. I Samuel 12:21 says “Do not run away after useless idols. They can do you no good. Nor can they rescue you, because they are useless”. Another Biblical principle is being good stewards of time and doing everything for God ‘s glory. When we apply these two ideas, we automatically see that screen time needs to be limited and edifying, rather than becoming endless and mindless.
As a parents, when we reach the point of identifying we have a problem in our household and acknowledging concrete steps need to be taken to curb this, we have won half the battle. We have a heavenly Father who helps us in all things, no doubt, but at the same time, we need to take the practical steps ourselves, with His guidance and leading.
The first step would be to define time limits and boundaries, and this needs to be age appropriate . The American Academy of Paediatrics guidelines state that the recommended screen time for 0-2 year olds is actually none, and for 2-6 year olds, it is 1 hour per weekday and 3 hours per weekends, whereas it is a bit more for older kids (but you get the general drift). These are only guidelines and each family needs to do what works for them but suffice to say, if your children are well over these, there is a problem. For us, we decided to have no screen time on weekdays and 1.5 hours / day on weekends. This may seem very harsh but this was because we didn’t want the four hours they spend at home after school to be revolving around a device. In fact, they are perfectly happy doing sport, reading and drawing at this time and the house is more peaceful. Of course, we have our bad days like everyone else (or we would not be a normal family!)
The other important strategy is offering alternatives. This includes things like reading, drawing, colouring, craft, playing a musical instrument, doing puzzles and of course sports. The challenge with these activities is that it often means we have to be actively involved and present with them, which is a good thing although initially it may seem like a lot of time invested. Most of the time, we don’t have to do the entire activity with them, it may just mean being around or starting them off which is quite easy to do even if we need to do the cooking / other chores. Personally, I have found these times wonderful for bonding with my kids on a one-to-one basis with a secondary reward of keeping them away from the screen. One tip is to make screen time conditional on doing these activities. For instance, unless they have read for 20 minutes, played sport for a set period of time , done their chores, they don’t get to have the screen . This is not as regimental as it seems. It works well in reality , in fact I found my kids are eager to do these other things and the more they do them , the more they enjoy them and end up thinking less about screen time .
You might wonder – are we meant to be strict disciplinarians and lay down the law like army officers? Aren’t we their parents? Well, clear and loving communication is key to letting our kids know that these are the rules for our house and that we are doing this to keep them healthy. My kids know that they need to come and tell me they have done a, b and c before I allow them to have their screen time. It is not a given, it needs to be earned.
So far, I may have painted screen time as an evil force to be tackled, but we all know that there are many benefits of technology. There surely is a wealth of information, fascinating facts and interesting stories that we would love our children to watch and gain from. This brings us to the importance of tailoring what they actually watch to give them a combination of fun and learning. The way to approach this would be to find good channels/ websites and encourage them to watch these . One example is Right Now Media (a Chrisitan site for kids ), national geographic sites, interactive learning apps (Khan academy kids).
A few other norms that we have adopted in our family are no screens at the dinner table, no screens after bedtime ( my teen leaves his computer in our room every night) and no screens first thing in the morning before quiet time.
Something I read in a book by Arlene Pellicane on battling the screen really resonated with me. She talks about the ABC’s of screen time. The A is Attitude – What is the attitude produced by the screen time / that particular show. B is for behaviour – what behaviour is being modelled by the show/ video game? Because children tend to imitate and is this what you would like them to emulate? C is for character – what character is being lifted up? Is that what you would like them to be? These are real introspective questions that serve as an easy checklist to use as a yardstick for the content our kids watch.
The last thing I would like to point out is “Practice what you preach”. As adults, we are sometimes the worst culprits with our own uncontrolled screen time. We need to be consciously aware of our habits and make sure we stick to the rules as much as we impose them on our kids. We don’t look like hypocrites then! We all know our kids are our best critics.
In conclusion, managing media optimally is a huge challenge for us. However, it is very much in our control provided we are sensitive to the effects and aware of the long term consequences. More importantly, we have God our father with us in every step who has promised us in Isaiah 54:13 – “All your children will be taught by the Lord, and great shall be their peace”. Each family needs to do what works for them and decide their own unique time limits and boundaries, but I would like to reiterate that whatever these are, they are most definitely necessary. All the very best!
-Emily
