After years of faithful service and bodies worn down by a labour of love, our retired missionaries deserve the best care. My parents were cross-cultural missionaries in a mission field in Andrapradesh for more than a quarter century with a well- established mission Organisation. My father was an ordained priest in a diocese and my mother was in the teaching profession before they stepped out as missionaries in obedience to God’s call.
At the age of 64, when my father retired from the mission organisation, they were wondering where and what they would do in the days ahead of them. They had no house of their own and with their meagre pension it was impossible to rent a house and take care of their daily needs. Very few missionaries want to retire but seek to volunteer in some activity in the extension of God’s kingdom in whatever way they might be able to, as well as continuing to live their religious life with prayer and reflection. My parents were that kind of people.
Custom would dictate that the firstborn takes special responsibility for the parents in their old age. But it can be otherwise too. After all the care parents gave to their children, children should look at it as returning the favour. Paul in 1 Timothy 5:8 is saying that an adult child who claims faith in Jesus has a biblical responsibility to consider the appropriate level of care and support a parent needs. Caring for the parent is a Godward act. It’s not just social welfare.
I am their second son and since I owned a house in Chennai, I invited them to stay with us. This involved numerous adjustments. Ask anyone who has provided care for aging parents and they will quickly identify a number of issues that caretakers face. We had three children and two children of our close relatives were also with us as they were pursuing their education in Chennai. Therefore, we faced space constraints as we had to accommodate the furniture, books etc of my parents. Since my wife was a working woman, she had to bear additional load particularly in the morning hours though we had a domestic helper. Another challenge face by us was their schedule. In the evenings when they went for house visits, most often they returned quite late which disrupted our routine. At times we lacked privacy especially when people visited us in order to share their personal concerns and prayer. It was a bit awkward for them to open up and express their feelings when others were around. During summer vacation we could not plan to visit our other relatives or other outings as they could not be left alone to take care of themselves or the house. During such brief outings, they went to Bangalore to be with my older brother. There were financial constraints particularly when I was transferred to Mumbai and placed there for six years. This meant there were double establishment and around that time my children were enrolled in colleges.
In spite of all these challenges, God’s grace and strength was sufficient for us to sail through smoothly and joyfully. We had to fulfil many different roles as a caregiver – a nurse, an adult child who loves, friend who listens, psychologist, etc. – so we prayed for the wisdom to know which role to step into when, to best care for our parents in every situation. We did whatever we could to the best of our abilities and left what we could not do in God’s hands and trusted Him to help in every situation. We counted our blessings by regularly taking stock of how God had answered our prayers and blessed our family, and thanked Him for His ongoing work in our lives. Cultivating gratitude helped us maintain a positive attitude. There was always, always, always, something to be thankful for. Philippians 2:3–8 is one of the most transforming passages in the Bible if it takes root in our lives. It stresses becoming a kind of person who is oriented on what others need, not just on our private/personal desires.
We could care for them till their end. My father had his home call in 1995 at the age of 82. My mother when she was 98, had hers in 2014. Towards the end she was bedridden and we had arranged a nursing attendant at home to take care of her. The abundant wisdom of our parents is passed to us and the next generation. We were blessed through their prayer life and simple life. They trusted God even when their earthly possessions were just a pittance. What younger person, having witnessed the grace-filled final days of a parent or grandparent, cannot be attracted to that same faith?
May God give us wisdom to navigate the challenges of an aging population and, ultimately, may we do what is pleasing to the Lord.
